Shinji Has It Bad
by MoonShadow.tsh
Summary: Asuka and Misato turn on Shinji, and he runs away. Can he find comfort with pilot Ayanami? Rated T for strong language mostly. ShinjiXRei.
1. More Ways Than One

**Shinji Has It Bad**

**(in more ways than one)**

**Chapter One**

AN This story takes place between NGE episodes fifteen and sixteen. I would like to write this in a more accurate formal Japanese style, and while I know some of the honorifics, I would probably screw it up pretty badly. Therefore, I shall stick to English, as used in the television version. The pilots will refer to each other by their last names when they are being formal. I will elect to say that this story is set in a similar but alternate storyline to the real Evangelion. That way, any mistakes I make with the storyline I can pass off as being intentional. Sorry for the long note, and sorry for any mistakes I may make from this point on. I will let you all get to the story now. /AN

* * *

"SHINJI! YOU DUMBASS" Asuka screamed, hurling a plate at Shinji. "DON"T YOUR EVER FUCKING TOUCH ME AGAIN!" 

"Asuka, I'm sorry!" Shinji hurriedly apologized, ducking away from the plate. "I just wanted to know if you wanted some breakfast!" Shinji's innocently apologizing tone was not winning over the German teen, as she continued to hurl curses and utensils at the young pilot. Shinji leaped behind the couch in an attempt to evade Asuka's barrage. "Ow! Asuka, stop, listen to me. Ow, ow stop!" Shinji retreated back behind the couch when he realized that Asuka was in no mood to negotiate.

"YOU STUPID HENTAI, I"LL KILL YOU." Asuka continued her attack in such a way that Shinji fully believed her claim. Shinji sprinted to his room and closed the door, just in time to hear several objects slammed against it.

"Shinji let out a sigh, and fell upon his futon, thankful for the relative safety his room provided. He locked the door, and pulled out his SDAT player, determined to drown out Asuka's screams. _It's not my fault, it just got mixed up. It was dark; I did not mean to touch her there. It's not my fault she has such big…shit, I really am perverted_. Shinji rolled over, and attempted to let his SDAT take over his thoughts.

* * *

Asuka was still banging away on Shinji's door, screaming up a storm when Misato's door opened. Now, normally in such a situation, Misato would attempt to bring peace to the pilots, or at least ensure Asuka did not kill Shinji. Today, however, Misato had a particularly bad hangover, and was in no mood to put up with the teen's bickering. "GOD DAMNIT ASUKA, WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THE RACKET ABOUT?" Misato's hair, already splayed out every-which-way, began to take on the look of the Devil's horns in Asuka's eyes. Unfortunately for Shinji, Asuka was in a bad enough mood to converse with the devil. 

"It's Shinji, that little hentai," Asuka proclaimed in a huff. "I woke up to that little pervert fondling my breasts, and God knows what he is doing in there now." Asuka's mouth formed a small pout as she crossed her arms. That was what happened, the end, in her mind. _I hope she finally kicks that little hentai shit out_.

"Shinji! What the hell were you thinking," Misato screamed, bursting into Shinji's room. "Damnit Shinji, why do you always have to piss Asuka off?." Shinji rolled over on his futon, hurriedly pulling off his headphones, his eyes full of fear. "You piss everybody off around here."

"Misato, I'm sorry-" Shinji hurriedly tried to apologize.

"Especially when you do that! You can't just apologize and make everything better all the time. Take responsibility for your actions, you just piss everybody off when you apologize all the time." Misato knew she shouldn't be saying these things, she knew how delicate Shinji's feelings are, but right now she was really hung over. "You should try standing up for yourself once in a while, maybe then people would respect you more."

"You can apologize all you want, you little hentai, but it won't change anything." Asuka spoke up from behind Misato. "You will still be the same little pervert. You'll never get any respect."

Throughout this tirade, Shinji's eyes had been full of fear, but now they shown with sadness. _They're right; I do just piss everybody off. Why am I like this? Why can't I do anything right? They can't even stand to be around me_. "I'm….I'm sorry." Shinji said quietly. Asuka was still yelling at him, and Misato was just staring at him, looking very annoyed. "I'M SORRY GODDAMNIT!" Shinji ran past Asuka and Misato, ran out the door, away from the apartment, onto the streets of Tokyo 3. He didn't stop running until he was far away from the apartment, far away from his problems, far away from his family. He ran until he collapsed behind a building, sobbing loudly, in an unfamiliar part of Tokyo 3.

"Why can't I ever do anything right. All I ever do is piss people off; Asuka, Misato, my father. The closest family I have, and they all hate me." Shinji continued to cry quietly. _I hate me._

Several minutes later, Shinji had stopped crying. He still felt like shit inside, but crying wasn't going to fix that. _If Asuka and Misato hate me, I shouldn't force them to let me live with them. Maybe I can just get an apartment on my own, like Ayanami._ "Ayanami?" Shinji said, looking up. "This is the neighborhood that Ayanami lives in. I could live here too." _Assuming Ayanami can stand to be around me._

Shinji got up and brushed off his pants; he had been lying against the back of a dirty building. He began to walk the streets, glancing in at some of the shops. _I sure am hungry. I never got to make breakfast. _Shinji fished around in his pocket. _Great, I ran off without any money._ Shinji could only stare at the restaurants and food carts, wishing he had some money. Shinji continued wandering, without any particular destination in mind. Eventually, he found himself in front of Rei's apartment building.

_I could go visit Ayanami; ask her if she would mind me living nearby. Ask her for some food. Maybe, she wouldn't mind. Keh, what am I thinking? She wouldn't want me visiting her. I should just go back to Misato's, see if they will take me in._ Shinji's stomach gave a loud growl, deciding his course for him. He reluctantly climbed the stairs of Rei's apartment building; fearful of what the first child's reaction would be when he showed up on her doorstep.

* * *

Misato groaned and lay her head down on the table. _What have I done? I know better than to yell at Shinji. Gah, stupid hangover! _ Misato popped open a beer and quickly drained it. The beer was quickly giving Misato her senses back. 

"Oh Misato," Asuka said loudly, stepping into the kitchen. "If Shinji really does leave, can I have his room? Or maybe we can get Kaji to move in there; I know we would both love that" Asuka said, haughtily. Asuka had seen Misato assist her in attacking Shinji, and now assumed that Misato would continue to be in a mood against Shinji. Unfortunately for Asuka, Misato's mood had only been worsened by their combined attack on Shinji.

"God Damnit Asuka!" Misato yelled, slamming her empty beer can down on the table. "Why do you always have to be such a bitch to Shinji? You know he already has it rough, yet you insist on making his life hell. This is Shinji's home; he should feel safe here. He shouldn't have to worry about you blowing up on him every day! It's your fault Shinji left, so don't' walk around here with that insolent attitude anymore!" Misato was screaming by the end.

"I…I thought that you could understand!" Asuka yelled back; tears welling in her blue eyes. "I'm glad he left; I don't want that whiny brat back here. If he comes back, I'll leave." With that, Asuka ran into her room and slammed the door shut.

Misato sighed and looked down at her hand. "Ah?" She had crushed the empty beer can in her hand during her rage. _Great guardian I'm turning out to be for those two. I helped Asuka be a bitch to Shinji, and then I yelled at Asuka for it. I really need to get these two under control. _Misato looked down at her empty, crushed beer can. _I really need to get more beer…_

Asuka sat on her futon, pulling her legs up to her chest. Her good mood was most decidedly ruined at this point. "Stupid Misato," she whispered quietly. "Stupid drunk bitch. They can't know what it's like," she began to rock slowly on her heels. "Everyone always protects Shinji, like he's something special. I'm the better pilot." A cold heat began to rise in Asuka's voice. _They only need to protect him because you're such a bitch to him._ "What? I'm only a bitch to him because he takes it. He should stand up for himself, instead of laying his insecurities on other people." _Because you never lay your insecurities on other people. You're not attacking Shinji because you're insecure; afraid that he will become better than you. _"Damnit all, I am better than that stupid hentai." _You're mad at him for being just like you; he pilots Eva for the same reasons you do. You are such a hypocrite. You drown your insecurities in your pride, and he's the one who can destroy your pride, so instead, you seek to destroy him._ "NO! Damnit all," Asuka flung herself down on her futon, tears seeping from her eyes. "I hate me," she said quietly. "I hate me…I hate me… I hate me." Asuka fell asleep crying, repeating those words.

* * *

Shinji's hand paused over the first child's door. _Don't run away, can't run away, just gotta knock once, see if she's home._ Shinji's hand came down lightly on Rei's door. A moment later, the door opened to reveal Rei standing in the doorway. 

"Pilot Ikari," Rei said quietly, in the same distant manner she always had. Her red eyes, however, revealed surprise.

"Uh, hi Ayanami. I was in the neighborhood, and I just though that I would stop by and say hi." _Oh man, that sounds so lame. She's going to hate me for this. How am I supposed to explain to her that I got kicked out of Misato's? Well, I suppose I more ran away. Damnit, this all sucks._ Rei just stared back at Shinji without saying anything. "Well then…I guess I'll just get going…back to, Misato's…" Shinji lowered his gaze down to his feet. _I knew this was a dumb idea._ Shinji turned to leave.

"Wait, Ikari," Rei said. "Is there, something else?" _Why is he here?_ "Would you like to come in?" Rei stepped back from the doorway and raised her hand in a gesture of entry.

Shinji raised his eyes to stare at Rei for a moment. "Ok. Thank you." Shinji followed the blue haired girl into her apartment. _She let me in. She's so nice._ Shinji's stomach growled audibly, causing him to blush. "Is that miso soup on the table?" Shinji asked Rei. Rei only nodded. "Do you think I could have some? I did not get any breakfast this morning."

"I only made enough for myself, but if you like, I can make some more." _Why would Shinji leave without eating? Why is he even here?_

"That'd be great!" Shinji said, excited at the prospect of food. "If you do not mind, of course," he said, remembering his manners. _She invites me in, and I take her food. I'm so brash._ Rei just nodded and began to make more soup.

Several minutes later, both the teens were seated at Rei's small kitchen table. "Ikari, is there some other reason you left Major Katsuragi's apartment?" Rei asked, sipping at her soup.

Shinji looked up from his soup, which he had been hungrily devouring. _Shit, she can see right through me, can't she? _"Well, I don't really get along that well with Asuka, and she was upset with me this morning, so I decided that I would get some fresh air and leave her alone.

"I see," Rei said quietly. She stared down at her soup for a moment. "So, pilot Soyru was bothering you, so you left?" _It is not like Ikari to get upset with people._ "I thought that Major Katsuragi is supposed to control pilot Soyru."

"No, it's not like that," Shinji said quickly. "Asuka was…it wasn't my fault that she got angry. Well, it was, but it was stupid. And Misato…Misato…she helped." Shinji hung his head.

"Major Katsuragi does not make the best guardian." _Asuka is always like that, but why would the Major treat Ikari the same way._

"They're right," Shinji said quietly. "They're both right. I'm just worthless; I can't stand up for myself. They shouldn't have to live with me."

"Ikari…what happened?" _It is not my place to ask, but it is…disturbing me, seeing Ikari like this. He's so angry at himself._

"It's all stupid!" Shinji shouted, slamming his fists on the table. The soup bowls rattled loudly. "I went to wake Asuka up, to ask her what she wanted for breakfast. I poked her…well, you know. She wasn't too happy about it. She started screaming at me, typical Asuka." _I went and hid in my room; typical Shinji._ "She kept yelling, and then Misato came out." Shinji's voice became harder; tears welled in his eyes. "Asuka's always a bitch to me, but this time Misato yelled at me too. She told me that I piss everybody off. I couldn't take it. I ran away." Shinji stood up suddenly, tears flowing openly from his eyes. "They're right. I don't take responsibility for my actions, I apologize for everything, I never stand up for myself." Shinji stared at his shoes; more tears coming.

Rei slowly stood up from her chair. _He is distressed. This makes me feel…strange. I do not like it when he is distressed? Is that what I am feeling? Does this mean I……care for him?_ Rei walked slowly towards Shinji. "I do not agree with what Soyru says. I think that they are wrong."

Shinji threw his arms around Rei in a tight embrace and began crying harder. "Thank you, Rei," he sobbed.

Rei put her arms around Shinji's back, returning the hug. _Why did I say that. Why did I hug him? Why do I feel this way? I care about him? Is that what this is? Does this mean that I love him? Or does he feel love for me?_

Shinji continued to cry for several minutes. Finally when he was done, he lifted his head from Rei's shoulder and looked into her crimson orbs, and smiled. "Thank you, Rei."

Rei's eyes locked on Shinji's. Though her face rarely displayed emotion, it now showed a hint of confusion. _Why is he staring at me that way? I did not really do anything. His eyes. Why does he keep looking at me that way. He expects me to say something._ "You are welcome, Ikari."

Shinji's smile grew larger. "You can call me Shinji," he told her, their eyes still locked.

"Ok…Shinji." Shinji tightened his embrace around Rei. He broke it a moment later when the Angel alert klaxon sounded.


	2. Evangelion the Questions part one

**Shinji Has It Bad**

**(Evangelion- the Questions Part I)**

**Chapter Two**

AN- Thank you for all the positive reviews; sorry for the delay. /AN

…The angel alert klaxon sounded.

Shinji quickly stepped back from Rei. _Oh man, what have I done? She's going to hate me now. _"Ayanami! I'm… sorry." Shinji blushed deeply. _I really did just hug her. What the hell was I thinking?_ Shinji stared down at his feet. _Way to screw everything up. I can't believe I just did that, so suddenly._

"No need to apologize pilo-…Shinji. It was…pleasant." Rei blushed slightly herself. _I hugged him back. I wanted to help him with his pain. _"The alert; the twelfth angel is here," Rei said, suddenly snapping into a colder, more composed manner. "We need to get to NERV."

"Ah, right." _What a bad time for an angel. This all just sucks, this day sucks._ "I don't know the way there. Misato always drove us…" _Shit, I'm going to have to deal with Misato, and Asuka. Maybe the angel will just kill me on my way there, save them the trouble._

"Come on," Rei said, pulling Shinji out of her apartment and towards NERV.

"Report," Misato yelled, running to her post in the NERV control room.

"A large object has been detected moving into Tokyo 3 at a rate of 2.5 kilometers per hour," Lieutenant Aoba responded.

"The Mt. Fuji observation center did not detect it; it suddenly appeared over the city," Maya added hurriedly. "Target is not displaying evidence of an AT field."

"No AT field?" Misato questioned. She looked up at the display screen to see a large, zebra-striped ball floating across Tokyo 3. "What is the status of the Evas?"

"Preliminary activation for all Evas has begun. Unit 02 will be ready to mobilize in three minutes. The pilots of units 00 and 01 aren't here yet."

_Oh shit. Where's Shinji? It's going to be all my fault if he doesn't show. He's probably sitting behind some restraunt, still angry at me and Asuka. I can't expect him to come, not after what we put him through._ Misato glanced around worriedly. "Prepare to mobilize unit 02. Tell me when the-"

"Major: pilots of unit 00 and unit 01 have arrived and are in locker room." Lieutenant Hyuga cut Misato off.

"Good. Hold off on launching unit 02; we will mobilize all three Evas at once." _Shinji, and Rei, arrived here together. Shinji must have gone to her apartment. Damnit, I am such a moron. I have to apologize to Shinji as soon as this attack is over. Asuka better not cause any trouble up there._ Misato paced around for several tense minutes, monitoring the status of the angel.

"Eva unit 00 and unit 01 are now prepared for mobilization." Maya's report broke the tension open into full blown action.

"Right. Launch Eva units 00 through 02." Misato let out a slight sigh of relief when she saw all three units of the Eva series propelled towards the surface on their high speed catapults. _I just have to hope that I can hold those kids together long enough to destroy the angel._ "Ok. Shinji, Asuka, Rei, you reading me?" All three of the pilots nodded in their video communications windows. "We don't know exactly what this angel does yet, so approach it carefully; no heroics. We need to gauge the angel's abilities before we can determine how to destroy it."

Asuka responded to Misato's commands with a reflexive "Roger," but her attention was focused on Shinji. _ So, he decided to go play hentai with wonder-girl; I wonder if she got him off with her stare. I can't believe that bastard dared to show his face here. He must think that he's better than us. I'm the better pilot; I think that it's time to prove that you have nothing here, Shinji._ "Hey Shinji," Asuka said with false sweetness, opening a communications window with the pilot of unit 01. "Maybe you should take the lead; bust this angel up real fast. It doesn't even have an AT field. How bout it Shinji?" Asuka's voice was full of a cold malice. "Try being a real pilot; maybe then you won't piss everyone off. Or are you just going to apologize to the angel for being so weak when it beats the shit out of you?" Asuka smiled at Shinji through the communication window. It was a smile full of unfounded charm, barely masking the second child's spite.

"Fine Asuka," Shinji yelled back. "I'll show you. You're not the best at everything. I'll defeat this angel." Shinji began to move his Eva forward. "Then we'll see who hates me," he said more quietly, a fierce look in his eyes.

"Shinji, Asuka, stop bickering. We're here to fight the angel; not see who's better." Misato yelled from her post. "You're both on the same side," she added, quieter. "Shinji, you and Asuka are both as qualified-"

"ASUKA'S A FUCKING BITCH," Shinji cut Misato off, rushing forward with unit 01. _I'll show them all. Fuck Asuka, and Misato. I'll do this for myself. I'll defeat this angel without help from either of them._

"Unit 00, supporting," Rei said, moving her Eva behind Shinji's. _What is he doing? He is letting his rage interfere with the mission. _

"Unit 02, supporting," Asuka confirmed. "And ready to pick up the slack when Ikari gets his ass kicked." _Stupid twit, he'll rush in and get slaughtered. He deserves it._

"Damnit Shinji," Misato cursed. "Be careful; we don't know what that angel is capable of." Misato looked down to the NERV operators. "What's the status of the angel?"

"Target has ceased moving. It appears to be growing in size. Target is now over five hundred meters in diameter. Still no AT field detected." Maya continued to pound away on her console.

"Shinji, slow down!" Misato did not like how this battle was progressing.. "We don't know what the angel will do if you attack it."

"It'll die!" Shinji screamed, propelling his Eva closer towards the angel. He leveled his Eva's rifle and fired wildly on the target. As soon as Shinji had fired upon it, the angel disappeared. "What the hell? Where did it go?" Shinji, still in his fit of bloodlust, became very confused. "Misato, where the hell did it go?"

"Angel has disappeared," Maya said, scanning her console for some sign of the angel's presence.

"What the hell is it doing, Ritsuko?" Misato asked hurriedly.

"I don't know," the technician yelled back, running frantically to different data consoles. "The Magi are still conferring… Angel has reappeared, directly beneath unit 01!"

"Shinji, get out of there; the angel's right under you!" _No! I can't lose him._

"Wha?" Shinji looked down at the shadow of the angel. "What the hell!" His Eva's legs were slowly sinking into the angel. Shinji panicked. "Ah! What the hell! Get me out of here! Help, save me! Rei!" Shinji flailed unit 01's limbs all about, trying to latch onto something firm. "The buildings are sinking too! Damnit! Misato! Help me!" Shinji continued struggling with unit 01, but he kept sinking into what he had thought was the angel's shadow. "Rei, save me," Shinji called sadly across the comm. link.

"…" _I knew he would get his ass kicked. Now he goes crying back to wonder girl for help. _Asuka stared at Shinji's frantic image in her communications window. "Moron," she said quietly, watching Shinji's panicked face. _Wonder girl's not going to save you now; you're dead baka hentai._

Rei began to move unit 00 towards Shinji's sinking Eva. "I'm coming, Shinji." Rei ran unit 00 towards the strange angel. Rei was closing the distance to unit 01 quickly. Unit 01 was sinking into the angel quickly.

"Unit 00 fall back." Gendo Ikari's voice was like a whip snapping. Rei came to a complete halt. Then, Rei began to move forward again. "Unit 00, fall back." The commander's voice was even more firm than it normally was.

"Commander, Shinji's still inside his Eva. I can still get to him." Rei's face was painted with concern. She was torn between following orders, or saving her fellow pilot's life.

"We cannot afford to lose another pilot to this angel. Fall back, Rei."

"God damn you! Father, you bastard!" Unit 01 was almost completely sunken into the angel. Shinji began to cry, cursing his father.

"Commander, we can still get to Shinji," Misato hurriedly began, looking up at the commander.

"No. Recall the other Evas. I shall not waste the lives of two competent pilots to save the life of one who disobeys orders."

Asuka burst out laughing in her Eva's entry plug. "Ha ha ha, you couldn't do it Shinji." Her laughter was the last thing Shinji heard before his communications systems cut out. Misato looked on disgustedly from the bridge.

* * *

Asuka was changing out of her plug suit in the locker room. She still wore a smile when Rei walked in. Asuka was never the one to pass up a chance to brag; even to a near emotionless doll.

"A great attempt at heroism that was," Asuka proclaimed to Rei triumphantly. "Baka Shinji goes rushing out for fame and glory and fails miserably. He's probably dead now."

"…" Rei stared at the German pilot as she demeaned Shinji._ She is the reason he did that. She is very hypocritical when it comes to other's piloting. Normally she would have been the one to rush into things for her own glory._

"Moron deserves whatever happens to him in there," Asuka continued in a darker tone. "We'll see what glory comes out of it. "

"You are the one who goaded him into it," Rei said quietly, tugging off her plug suit.

"He wanted it," Asuka shot back fiercely. "He wanted them to praise him."

"You are mistaken." Rei stared at Asuka with her dark red eyes. "You are the one who pilots Eva for the praise of others. You are the one who wants their praise. You need it to pilot Eva."

"Shut up," Asuka yelled at Rei. _I'm not like Shinji. Damnit! I'm not like him._

"You have to be praised for everything you do. Shinji should be praised for what he does too. You think that you are the only one who deserves to be praised for piloting Eva. That is why you are such a bitch." Rei delivered her speech in the same cold and detached manner she always had.

"FUCK YOU!" Asuka screamed. "I'm not like him at all." She shook with anger, and clenched her fists at Rei.

"No, you are right." Rei continued with a very slight smile. "Shinji is kind. He pilots Eva for other people, and for himself. That is why he deserves to be praised. You only pilot for yourself, for your own self-security. Shinji would not want to see you die like this. You are disgusting." With that, Rei left the locker room, leaving Asuka alone with her words.

"Damn her, perfect ass bitch. I'm not like him. I'm better than him." Asuka clenched her eyes shut to hold back her tears; tears of hate and anguish. _Damn it all. Now Wonder Girl is on his side. Bastard charged forward, HE charged forward. It's his fault. He really thinks that he is better than me. Damn him._ Asuka was screaming in her mind. Her tears flowed openly, and she stood there and sobbed, for herself.

* * *

Gendo Ikari stared coldly over his desk at Misato. The operations director shifted nervously under his cool gaze. "The third child did not arrive with you. Indeed, you seemed surprised when he showed up. Do you have an explanation?" The commander's cold voice rang across his vast office to Misato's ears.

"Shinji and Asuka had a…dispute, this morning. Shinji became upset and left my apartment. I did not have time to locate him before the alert." Misato glanced down at her feet, not wanting to meet that cold stare.

"May I remind you, Major Katsuragi, that you act as these children's guardian. However, if you can not handle the task, other arrangements can be made. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes sir. I'm sorry. Normally I can keep them under control." Misato shifted her gaze nervously back to the commander.

"But this morning?" Gendo sensed the woman's nervousness.

"I became…it was…," Misato let out a large sigh. "No excuse, sir."

"I see." The commander adjusted his glasses while maintaining his cold stare. "This altercation has affected both pilot's field performance as well as Rei's. That is unacceptable. These children can not be in a position where their home lives affects their ability and judgment to pilot. Due to this, we have no lost a pilot and an Evangelion unit."

"We don't know that yet, sir," Misato hurriedly cut the commander off. "Shinji could still be alive."_ He better still be alive._

"We can only hope," the commander said in his same icy tone, which betrayed any thoughts of hope in his mind. "For the time being, you will remain guardian for the second and third children. I will leave any discipline necessary up to you also. I do not expect this to happen again.

"Understood, sir." Misato relaxed a little. _At least I get to keep them. I really need to make this up to Shinji._

"Now, return to your post. We will revisit this situation again after the angel has been destroyed and unit 01 has been recovered." Gendo gave Misato one last dismissing glance before he returned to his work.

"Yes sir," Misato said, some of her vigor restored as she exited the office. _We better recover more than just unit 01._

* * *

"What's going on, Rits," Misato asked quietly as she stepped onto the bridge.

"It turns out that the large ball is the _shadow_ of the angel, and the shadow underneath it is the actual angel," Ritsuko explained tiredly.

"What? So where is Shinji," Misato had a very confused look on her face.

"Shinji is trapped in a Sea of Durac, a nearly two dimensional dimension created by the angel. It is only two nanometers deep. The properties of a Sea of Durac can only be explained by discrete mathematics beginning with the assumption that X equals…I lost you four words into that, didn't I?" Ritsuko clearly noticed Misato's dumbfounded look.

"Yeah, pretty much. So, Shinji decided to go for a swim in a different universe, is that pretty much the drift of it?" Misato should have paid a little more attention during college. "So how do we get him out?"

Ritsuko sighed at Misato's simplification of the situation. "The Magi predict that if we deploy all ninety-two N2 mines precisely on a single point of the angel while unit 00 and unit 02 focus their AT fields, the energy accumulated should destroy the angel."

"What about Shinji?" Misato asked worriedly.

Ritsuko sighed. "There is only a twenty-two per cent chance that unit 01 will not be destroyed, and even less of a chance that the pilot survives, and that is only if we carry out the operation before unit 01's life support runs out."

"How soon can we make the preparations?" Misato sounded desperate. She was desperate.

"Five hours, at earliest. Unit 01's battery will run out in ten hours."

"Good. Make the preparations. We will launch the operation as soon as everything is assembled. We need to give Shinji the best chance we can." Misato finished with a note of determination in her voice.

* * *

Shinji sat inside his entry plug, awash with cool LCL fluid. The smell of blood was strong in his nostrils. Outside, all he could see was darkness. He didn't want to look at that darkness; to him, it was death. Shinji looked at a watch on his plug suit. Nine hours. In nine hours his Eva's internal battery would give out, and he would die.

"All because of Asuka," Shinji muttered quietly, pulling his legs up to his chest. By now his rage had cooled, but he was still angry with the German girl. Shinji rolled onto his back and stared at the blank ceiling of his entry plug. "Misato too. Why do they treat me that way? I don't want them to hate me. Why does Asuka have to be such a bitch all the time? I didn't do anything wrong, so why do they hate me so much? My one chance to show her up and I fail. Now I'm going to die. Damnit, I just didn't want them to hate me. Asuka, father, Misato, why do they all hate me?" Shinji pounded his fists on his Eva's controls and stared out into the black death around him. The bloody LCL smell filled his senses.

Shinji wanted to cry as he stared at the nothingness around him, the nothingness inside him. He felt so useless now. Maybe I should die. That is why I am here and not Asuka. I should die. I am here to die. Asuka will live, I will die. She won. She finally proved it to everyone. Now everyone knows that Asuka Langly Soryu is the best. Shinji Ikari deserves to die. No one cares about him. Not Misato, not father, certainly not Asuka.

Rei _Rei shouldn't care about me either. I am useless, not worth her effort. She can't care about me._ Rei _No, she doesn't care either. Why should she? Rei should hate me, just like everyone else._ Rei Ayanami _No, no, no! Even if she did care, it doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore. I'm going to die, and no one will ever have to care about me again. Even if she did…_ Rei Ayanami "Stop it!" Shinji screamed, clutching his head between his hands. "Just stop it. It is over now. Rei shouldn't have to think about me again. I don't want her to." Liar  
"No I'm not. No one should have to remember the useless thing that is me." Rei? "No, not even her. She shouldn't have to think about me again." Why? "Because, I don't mean anything to her. She doesn't want to think about me." You want her "No I don't!" You want her "No! Stop it." You want her "No." Rei "No." Rei "NO!" You want her to care "…Yes." Shinji gasped with the realization. "Rei…I still want Rei to care." Shinji began to cry. His fists clenched his Eva's controls. Rei "Yes." Shinji passed out, as his entry plug lit up and unit 01 activated.

* * *

AN- So that is the first part of my next two part chapter. I am really sorry for the long delay. Like, really really ridiculously sorry. Actually, I have had this sitting around about eighty per cent complete for a long time. Again, I apologize.

So anyway, Shinji gets released from the Sea of Durac through his passion for Rei. I could have had his intense anger for Asuka release him, but I decided that this was a better way to forward the ShinjiXRei. Besides, Asuka has her own problems.

The next chapter- Evangelion the questions part two. Will Shinji and Misato make up? Will Shinji confess his feelings for Rei? Will Asuka become any less of a bitch? Find out, in six months time. Just kiddin. I promise to release the next chapter next. Then I am going to write a one shot or three, but then I will get back to this. I swear.


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